I feel so weird right now. Like...out of body. Probably has something to do with running on 3 hours of sleep, or other things.
A friend of mine posted a blog recently in which she discussed two conflicting thoughts that cause her inner-debate. This inspired me to share my own inner-debate, which instead consists of one thought and how it is interpreted, rather than two thoughts that contradict each other. Her's was a tad confusing, which is typical when trying to describe how one's mind works (though, as I read and re-read, I slowly began to realize I have similar thoughts), and I feel that mine will probably be just as confusing. So, as I tried to level with her blog, please also try to level with mine.
Please keep in mind that I strongly believe in this thought, I just constantly go back and forth between interpretations.
Thought: Carpe diem. Seize the day. Live life to the fullest. You only live once, make it count.
First interpretation: complete and utter lack of regrets (within reason and standard human moral/ethical codes). I'm not saying go out and kill someone because we're just going to die anyway (I'm strongly against violence, whether emotional or physical). I, in this particular assumption, view it more as doing whatever is desired at the time. In my case, this would involve not holding a long term employment postion, traveling as much as possible, sexing whomever without committing (though that's a little hard to do while staying true to my morals), partying, drinking, just all in all living life. What makes this interpretation hard to live by is that I'm constantly worrying about future consequences. Getting hurt, dying, losing loved ones, I don't know. Anything that could possibly be caused by making one. impulsive. decision.
ex. smoke cigarettes if you want to, you're just going to die one day anyway
Second interpretation: make life as worthwhile as possible. Play it safe, more or less. You only live once, you should make your one life last as long as you can. Just try to be happy. In my case, this would mean getting a serious job while traveling only when possible, settling down with someone whom you will be happy with, party safely, drink on occasion, just all in all try to make life long and happy. What makes this interpretation hard to live by is...well, that the first interpretation is so much more exciting.
ex. don't smoke cigarettes, because they lead to death, and you don't want to die early
Basically:
Who wouldn't you want to LIVE life to the absolute fullest? vs. You CAN'T live life to the absolute fullest if you're not trying to make it last.
P.S. disregard the calorie counts I post. They're for my benefit, first of all because I need to keep record, and second of all because they'll help me commit to posting more.
I am sorry to be so confusing. Like you said, it can be hard to put what you're thinking into words.
ReplyDeleteAs for your inner-debate, it's a good one. One seems to be the younger version of the other. It's fun to be risky, drink too much, drive too fast, be scandalous, etc. I think everyone should experience these things at least once. Right now is probably the best time to be that way because we're old enough to take care of ourselves and assume responsibility but we're also young enough to still have the luxury, time, and money (maybe) to do it.
Eventually you may get tired of the fast life. You may want to settle down. Or not. You may die young while having fun. Or die old without having had enough fun. Or have a perfect mixture of crass moments and responsible moments. And in that case, you'll just die whenever your time comes.
I dunno why my response took a total death turn but I know you understand me =). Or you try, at least.